Hes a good man but not romantic, lately I been feeling like I been putting in all the work & carrying the relationship. If they are willing- great! He would go as far as always try and give me hugs and he would try for me all the time and text me non stop, he would put an effort into trying to get me and he would always call me pretty and beautiful. Please advice and apologize for the long narration. I have told him time and time again that this is something i need in a relationship and he admits to not doing enough but has NEVER changed. months later of constant chats and calls he then confessed that he still love me and he was sorry for what happened in the past. I feel like we should break up but as I say he is my life its really difficult and I dont want to hurt him. But there were also a couple of red flags like he wouldnt make concrete plans with me ahead of time, he would just tell me Saturday afternoon that he was ready for me to come over if I wanted. If you almost never see each other, then sitting down to talk about your relationship or his lack of effort would look much different than if you live together. I love him however because of his lack of effort Im almost ready to walk away for good. He constantly tells me he loves me but its starting to feel less true. He just doesnt make an effort to ask me to do things. I almost believe he is avoiding me for not been attracted to me.I am sure that he wants me and I feel frustrated with his actions but I do love other qualities he has. I help him with college work a lot, and he often expresses to me how he feels so much calmer and relaxed when were together (which is true because his mood just completely changes and hes always so happy). He says sometimes he appreciates me but words mean nothing, actions do. It just seems like a cliche movie begining or something. he is the most amazing boyfriend i have ever had or so it was a little while ago. There is little to no effort from my boyfriend and every time I try to communicate that with him nothing changes. It doesnt matter what words youre saying, the message is clear: I will tolerate this, as long as you let me explain repeatedly why I dont agree with it. The most important lesson Ive learned from my love life is this: My role is to set boundaries. I would NEVER drop my whole life for a Man! Find yourself then get to understand your mate emotionally and mentally. If your self-image is shattered because your boyfriend stopped making an effort, then youre expecting too much from him. When we are together he is so sweet and wonderful. Just stop talking to him and stop making so much effort. Today, when he suggested that i pass by him, I was pissed off and i let me know that I this made me feel bad and confused. dont waste your time on a man that is using you. He was so understanding and apologized for the lack of communication and promised to try his best to communicate more. I just dont feel like he loves me , why am I with him & what is he not getting ? I waited though and suffered through almost being forced to move across the country when after he graduated and wanted a new job but couldnt find one- that was the only opportunity he had and was about to force me to uproot MY life, quit school, to go. Help. this article is useful, thank you. Back as a baby, he said the vet said not to let her sleep or have that on for a while because she is a labradoodle and it makes their hair very knotty and bad for their skin. I just want to feel special!! Things started getting better and then crashed on the rocks. Hed say something really mean, watch my cry and if I asked to talk about it, Hed tell me why do we have to always talk about it or why cant you just drop it and not bring it up my favorite was Im not apologizing because Im not sorry, you just like making a big deal over nothing one time I asked about marriage (he took me to the red wood Forrest and asked me to marry him 2 years prior to this comment) he told me hed never marry a b**ch. And what does he say when I say that, he says what plan? But no. Even on weekends hes working and most days he cant even have dinner at home with me bc his other entrepreneur jobs are calling. I gave him the benefit of the doubt too many times. You name it he does it. Heres my concern-We live 70kms apart amd stick to phone calls and texts and online communication. Every time I try to tell him how i feel about him not making an effort in general and on nights out, and social media etc, he usually gets angry/annoyed and makes me feel so bad. Its also heartbreaking, especially when you want to be with him. I dont think he will change. But I feel as though he does not see the page that I am on, is there any way I can do that without it being an argument? He also said that I know how he is and that he is tired from work. If youre always playing offense, you could continually be hurting your partner's feelings, thereby offending, alienating, and pushing them away. Why waste both our times. I then left home and came back a later day. And I know its not healthy to compare your relationships to others but Id be lying if I said I never wish my relationship was more like others. A lot of times my boyfriend has realised he did it on purpose to hurt and he regrets his words right after. I want to be with him but Im also scared that Im wasting my young years and wake up one day regretting not leaving bc he isnt going to change how he is for me or at least try for me. After going through with this behaviour for around 3 months (I was going insane) I caught him lying and speaking to a number of females behind my back as more than just friends. Its so frustrating and difficult when you love a man your boyfriend and he doesnt make any effort to see you, love you, or even respect you. I know how hard it is to let go, but I think you have to. We have been talking for almost a month. I just lack security in myself that I need to fill. But even after reminding him of that, nothing happen. This makes me feel like he just needs me to help him with work. I have told him that Im tired of him not Making an effort in the relationship, and that he needs to make an improvement. Im just about done with him. Things have been bad for a while. to think I was already 32 years old still got fooled by a man. I would appreciate any advice! He only tells me he loves me on text hardly to my face until I say it first. https://www.bonobology.com/husband-does-not-give-me-attention You figure youll be happier not wanting anything from anyone. Now he is deliberately NOT doing it because I keep trying to remind him or motivate him but his thought is that had he known it was going to become one more thing I expect him to do and hound him over he would have told me not to buy it. I dont want to push, I do want to give him space, but too much of that then leaves me feeling like I am not showing him my standards so then why should he value me. My issue lately is, he will tell me he will come to my house on Saturday after work, then later he will call and say he has to go get his dogs and pick them up. Im starting to think he doesnt want to marry me. One would think he would have learned his lesson and did something special this year. Are you still in your relationship? He used to be very motivated and neat. Try to change. Am I expecting too much from him? This man is no good for you, and he will never learn how to grow out of his depression if theres someone always doing everything for him. Thats the only way you will know how he truly feels. I was very prioritized in his life before but now he does not want to place me as high on his priority list anymore. David & I had a wonderful relationship, but then I noticed a change in him. He called and asked me to come and get himwhich I did. I am sad, let down, depressed, jealous of every woman out there, sexually frustrated beyond comprehension. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. if he told you he does not see a future with you, as hard as it is, you need to walk away now. kissing, hugging, sex, cuddling, EVERYTHING! I am the first gf my bf ever had and theres only so much I can pin on that reason. i dont know what i should do since i know that he has feelings for me but i feel like he treats me like a friend a lot of the time. I dont expect a perfect relationship but I guess he does. Ask them, I feel like youre ignoring me. I am really sad about it, because I know we love each other, but this relationship as it is doesnt satisfy me. And thats is the absolute best you can do. he straight up ignored and didnt read them.) Try to be better. i jst think hes all abt himself and idk wht do. NO AFFECTION. He is in law school, I am getting my masters, and we also partake in a long distance relationship. Lastly, he is obsessed with social media. Idk what to do anymore. Just torn and dont know what to do. Ive talked to him about it twice to no avail. He started texting her about how a great time they had and flirting with her. He does not even get up in the morning and brush his teeth, put on deodorant ,etc. Or stay here and break up. Thats sad. Whats the good of having money and a nice house if you dont enjoy your life!??? I dont know how much longer I can go with it. WebHe came up to me and brought me free drinks again. Im at a loss. He nolonger would make as much effort, like call or text to check on me. Do I let this person disrespect my boundary? How did I give him permission? Forget it. I get it but at the same time if he wasnt ready to forgive me he didnt need to and should of taken his own time instead of us going through this. Hes been going through a bit of a struggle with his mental health lately so Ive been trying really hard not to hold how hes been distant over him because I do understand it and I dont want to pry. I keep trying to tell myself this is just a bad patch until I finish school and get a full-time job again- now that hes finally got a new job and should be happy. These tips actually worked. A relationship is 50/50. Also, he says he is claustrophobic and that a lot of kissing makes him feel smothered. I dont know what to do. Last week,for like 2/3 days hes been quiet and inactive. Thats was our first time seeing each other in person (granted, Id seen him randomly beforehand in elementary school years before that). Im not looking for validation from him, but support. I get it Im not a good gamer but I like the company. I am like at the I dont know what to do stage right now my boyfriend is not even home because I told him to just leave we got together super fast and since the beginning I noticed that he wasnt affectionate at all but I thought he might be shy but as time passed he still is non affectionate at all! This person flakes when we have plans even after I said that Im not here for that. And I get it, hes never been through the same things but I expect that. You deserve so much more than whats going on and it seems like youve been by his side throughout all the ups and downs but he cant be the man you need. We both have a lot of jealousy issues and insecurities. I dont know what to do. Everything is fried up. Especially for someone like me who is lonely all the time. Not only that sexual favors have been one sided for a long time now. Ive thought of letting him go because hes not what I want in a relationship, but hes the only one in this world that knows every single thing thats been in my head. Also, the hard thing is, were in the same college course. Nor the stress of my mothers battle with stage 4 cancer. Dont let your wishes control your thoughts and feelings. I dont want to talk about marriage or kids or the future. Listen to your intuition, it never lies. And thats what messes with me a lotwhy doesnt he want to do the same for me. There could be many reasons why your partner is not showing you the affection you desire, and according to therapist, dating and relationship coach and former matchmaker Weve been dating a little over a year. I feel like Im the only one putting any effort for us to spend time together. Its sad when other give you the compliments that you are looking from in one person. On the other hand, maybe your boyfriends lack of effort means that he only calls you once a month or texts you once every two months. We were really happy and things happended so good. he briefly mentioned his bad experience with exes, he had two years marriage and he said he felt it was too long. I really love him but he is not doing anything to build connections. I dont get any attention unless Im the first one to initiate things. Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and recently he has started to change. Always honest. Know your worth and dont settle for a man who doesnt act like hes got you pinned down, get a man who treats you like he cant get enough of you. So, my boyfriend and i have known each other our entire lives. I guess in the end we need to decide if hes worth all this heartache. Are you expecting more from your boyfriend than he can give? That way, I can assure two things. 1. He keeps telling me that if I think relationships are only about anniversaries and dates, giving each other a label, cheesy stuff, then for him it isnt meaningful. But I just feel unwanted and that all I do for him is in vain. In the second year of the relationship we were going out a lot to bars and clubs, and he began to drink a lot, and would become very aggressive with me, and started to treat me bad. I would then open a honest discussion about how we both feel when I return. I know thats not what you want to hear. I decided to tell him how I felt because its always best to tell the other person how you feel. (He still didnt) I asked him to please text me if he was going to be late and he got upset with me. But again, ask if he wants to just get anything off of his chest about his father, and just let him talk. Hes an atheist, and slowly his mocking of God and Christianity began to affect my own believes. I dont know what to do. That doesnt only mean that hes He is so passive. He hasnt wine and dine me yet, nor is affectionate until it comes to bed time. You can go through the next 10 years like this cause this man is not miraculously going to change.do not for 1 minute think he is going to suddenly wake up and be who you want him to be. Oh my God this is so me. We lived together in my apartment for about a year & a half. I feel like he doesnt love me as much as he used to. My boyfriend is Lebanese and given the situation there (economic crisis, unemployment rate and poverty rate are getting higher), he began manifesting symptoms of an overly stressed man. It's also could be a sign your partner is unwilling to prioritize your relationship, communication has eroded, or you're no longer top-of-mind. I met other guys got into relationships but didnt work. If your boyfriend or others say that youre expecting too much, read 11 Ways to Stop Being the Clingy Girlfriend in a Relationship. We live together also, in a large house he bought with his ex. But i couldnt regain my trust for him again. Ive had a talk with him a few times that I feel like his mom, Im always cleaning and cooking and have to tell him what needs to be done. And i just wish the fighting would stop, i seriously cant take. I am 20 years old, and Ive been on and off with my boyfriend since we were both 13. He talks but does not deliver. I mentallyI dont understand the action itself . I been communicating with him about his lack of effort , no improvement. If, for example, your boyfriend is dealing with work stress, emotional health issues or family problems then you can might want to give him some time and space. Be happy with you. Lets see whats they do. And I would listen but then my insecurities would come back and were back to where we started. Is it bad that I miss being just friends with him?. Did your boyfriend stop making an effort because hes distracted or stressed about something else in his life? Ive had absolutely enough. He never makes an effort to pick me up or come over my house. My guys tells me there is someone else, hes changed so much over the last year I hardly even recognise him. But I guess it just shows how people handle stress. Its been since then that the dating pattern of our relationship has declined significantly. I buy him presents, I shower him with so much love. You deserve better and it sounds line hes managing down your expectations. I hope things get better. And acts like a concerned boyfriend if I dont immediately respond. He asked if I wanted help learning and I said a big yes. Honestly this lockdown really changed my relationship! my ex best friend told him everything and ever since then its been a nightmare. The last year and half has been a struggle just one thing after the other. So he does nothing. COMPROMISE but just be sure its not all on your side. Thats the one thing that i really expect. So i get back from fall break and i zoom him.hes acting different and grumpy and meanhe told me he was moving back to his home state and never coming backI started balling my eyes out I was so confused. Its comforting knowing others face the same issues. I dont want to push him away. He loves Instagram and has a fitness page, and is constantly posting pics on it and putting up stories of his everyday life. It was great for a few months, but now the lock down is over (here in Europe) I feel like hes starting to make less effort again, prioritizing sports and friends again. He has lost interest in everything. Here are just some of the effects if one partner will fail to pay full time & attention not just with their partner but with the relationship itself. He never calls me beautiful or cute and pretty no matter how much I try to dress up and impress him, he never notices anymore. I trust him and I wanna keep trusting him. About 3 weeks after, right after a fight we had after my bday, he told him he cant find them. Im 53, he is 51. Hes shows effort but due to my insecurities I overthink when I stop seeing the efforts and assume the worst. I have no idea what this is all about, but the roller coaster needs to stop, its too hard for me to deal with. He just recently finally started being productive at home again, picking up where he left off over a year ago on unfinished started projects. Letting Go of Someone You Loveisnt about getting over it. Letting go doesnt mean forgetting, pretending you didnt lose an important relationship, or guarding your heart so you dont get hurt again. However, just before christmas time, the same things started to happen again, effort drops off. This person uses sarcasm to take me down a peg, even after I said that Im not here for that. My fiance, my 12 year old son, and i have been living together a second time(in his house). Has financial debt, related to college expenses. monthly anniversaries, birthdays, gifts, restaurants, and so on everything disappeared after a conflict he said doesnt see a future with me as he barely thinks about his own future. When I ask whats wrong my boyfriend bites my head off, shouts at me, tells me Im just trying to cause trouble when Im totally calm and just asking a question. However he has an interview for one. I get everyday but we go like 3 weeks to a month to once a month. What he is doing and how he is treating you is disgusting. doesn't pay attention to you, and they're not fully present when youre together. He doesnt tell me he loves me very often, never compliments me, doesnt text or call on the days we are apart and due to his lifestyle and commitments we see each other the same 3 evenings every week, and it has been the same 3 evenings for 3 years with the exception of one or two evening. hed text at 11-1am for me, but by then i would have fallen asleep. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below! Xx Be strong. Im in college and so is he. You may have to loosen your attachment and allow your boyfriend to withdraw or even leave. I hate to say it maybe he did something he wasnt so suppose to and felt guilty leading him to end things. The one girl has sent him particularly sweet friendly messages on Whatsapp a few times so Im even more jealous than I already was. He said that the only thing I require of him is to give me attention. Libido has infinitely dropped. If I were you Id take a break and keep your heart open for a new partner who is more compatible with you and whos needs match with yours, at least whos match a bit more than he does. We got in a fight because I said I was upset because he hadnt made time for me in the last week. Life before but now he does even after reminding him of that, nothing happen would,! Hes changed so much over the last year and half has been a.! 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